Sunday, August 21, 2011

Emotional Dating

Little kids can be such an object lesson at times. They teach us patience, more about Christ's perfect love and much more. Recently, they've taught me something about dating and "love". "How is this possible?" you ask. Well, allow me to explain.

PhotobucketSome children are heartbreaking. You can tell by the way they behave themselves that they are literally starving for affection and attention. They are dying to get someone to notice them, even if it's for the wrong reasons. I've watched a child run away from people just for the pleasure of knowing that they will follow him. That was his way of getting the attention he wanted. I've watched a child ask the same question over and over and over even when the answer hasn't changed. Surly, in his mind, that was his way of keeping another person engaged with him. I believe that within a child, or every person even, is a fear of being alone. A fear that one day no one will care or love them. In my experiences with people, I find this just as evident in children as I do with adults.

We shake our heads at misbehaved kids who will pitch fits for no apparent reason, just to get attention. But, many times, this behavior - or heart issue - never goes away. This fear doesn't ever resolve in our brain, it just takes on a different form and becomes a little more subtle. But still, the intent and desires haven't changed a bit.

Let's take a look at the dating scene: A loves B. B loves A. A is afraid of B leaving so A will do anything for B. B hits A. A still "loves" B and stays around anyways. Eventually, A and B have a very dysfunctional relationship because their original attractions were really based on the fact that A and B had a desire to feel needed. The moment that desire was feed, they latched on to each other.

She wants to be wanted. She she dresses sensually to turn some heads. That gives her power, makes her feel needed and temporary fills an emotional hole. She gives her body over to sexuality to feel like someone wants her and needs what she can give.

He wants to be accepted. So, he drives the best looking car and makes the most promises. He flirts and leads girls on. He likes to see the ways girls fawn over him and how they are wrapped around his finger. He likes to know that he has control.

We don't really change that much, do we? People grow out of kicking and screaming, but the heart problem has never been dealt with - which means it will come out later, only then it will be slier and harder to tame.

This gives me red flags about relationships and dating. My heart is so deceitful and I don't understand it. I have to be careful of rushing a relationship for the wrong reason. I would be fool to say that I'm not emotionally fed when I know a guy thinks I'm "hot" or that my mind isn't unhealthily benefited into selfishness. It's a challenge to examine my motives for everything. Ask myself, "Ashley, why do you want to look beautiful today? Are you trying to accentuate God's creation in a positive way? Or is it because you want the power and emotional swell of knowing some guy is distracted by you?"

Ouch. I'm guilty.

The underlying issue is not being satisfied with Christ. I don't let Him fulfill my emotional needs, so I go to the wrong places to find that fulfillment. I don't trust that His love is enough to support me and carry me on from day to day. I don't believe that I'll be happy just knowing that He loves me. I think that He is holding back good things from me by saying, "Let ME be your delight." I don't trust that His love is extravagant.

Ephesians 3:17-19 "And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God."
Next time we feel like we aren't getting the attention we want and need, lets pray to God. He does loves us and you can feel His affection when you read the Word, listen to praise music, pray, or just sit still in His presence. I can feel His love when I sit in the sunshine or listen to the birds. I feel His affection when I'm able to swallow my anger. Christ shows His love every day. Don't go to the wrong places and do the wrong things for attention. Seek the love of the Lord, and you. will. find. it.

Jeremiah 29:13 "You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart."

What an incredible promise!    


Katherine said...

That was great, Ashley - thanks for sharing...

Kaylin Waldrop said...

ah, so true. you are not alone in this..

Jessy said...

This is an amazing post ashes!! I think this is what everyone needs to be reminded of especially teenage girls.

Miztermuzik said...


Meggie said...

Great post, Ashley! Never thought of it that way before, and I could feel my heart guiltly tugging with every line!


Lexi W. said...

I'm so the same way sometimes!!! I think we just get so lonely that we are willing to fill our lives with everything but God, just to find affection and attention. I don't understand why God isn't enough sometimes, but I guess humans are never really satisfied. Thanks for the honesty; I like to know I'm not alone!

Lexi W.

Elizabeth said...

Wow, this was SO GOOD, Ashley!!! It really got me thinking and went to my heart. Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Wow, youve had a great few posts lately, I'm at work, so I'll comment later
~Daniel G~