Monday, October 3, 2011

What Exactly IS Dating?!

This post is my endeavor to figure out what exactly dating is by the "normal" standards.

When someone says, "Hey, lets go on a date." Does that mean, "hey, I like you. I think we could be something" or "hey, let's figure out if we like each other?"

I'm asking because a guy that I work with has asked me out several times. I keep saying "No" but then,  start wondering...what exactly IS dating? Is it seeing if you like people? I think that is how some people view it. And that is just downright confusing. WHY would you go on a date to "get to know someone"? Isn't that the wrong place to try to figure someone out? I think so. People are at their best on dates - I want to see there bad as well as good side. 

In my opinion, I want to date (if you can even call what I'll do dating) someone that I have known for a long time. I know their standards, their behaviors, their attitudes towards life, their goals, their feelings and stuff way before I even enter that stage. I want to know them as a really good friend before dating. I feel like the "dating" now, just completely skips that stage. I think that's sad.

Sorry, this was a little rant. I just don't get it. It's confusing. Any wise words?


Daniel G said...

Ashley, yes unfortunately societal dating has pretty much eliminated the friend stage so as soon as you think you might like some one, you date them, and that is why so many people date so many people, and then never speek again, because they were never friends in the first place. Pluss a lot of dating relationships are based on physical interaction, which to a certain extent is ok, but should never be what you base a relationship on. One analogy I herd says that that is the icing on the cake, and relationships now days have no cake and are just icing, and that's why they fall apart. (that's not the best analogy since I don't really like cake much lol). But anyways, the societal norm doesn't have to be the standerd, and dating isn't bad if done right, but it's with a completely different purpose, instead of seeing if you really like the person as much as you think you might, you presue the relationship mutually seeking gods will in your lives individually and as a couple, and the point, although not totally, is to find out if it's God's will for that relationship to move towards mirage. I hope that kinda answers your question

Logan said...

Haha well I'll do my best to not leave a mini-post here so I'll keep it short: 1) dating a guy you work with becomes extremely hard and awkward if the relationship goes sour. And if you two get all mushy and kissy and stuff, it just makes everyone else awkward- especially where you work. I know because I work at the same company lol. There have been times where employees dated each other; they were 19 and 22 and definately old enough for it to be okay. And my opinion about dating is it should be done with a guy you already know well. Dates are a terrible way to get to know someone. You have a unique opportunity to see how this guy is already since you work with him. Watch how he treats the other female employees, especially the managers. Watch how he treats frustrating and annoying guests. Watch his mouth to see if he is an encourager or complainer. Watch him that way, not on a date. And if you aren't inerested anyway, don't bother. Give him a indefinate no.

You can read my extended opinion in my post Purposeful Romance. It's about 2 months old now.

Ashley said...

LOGAN! Haha. I don't think you got the idea. I'm NOT interested. I've told him no I think...four times. And I have reasons, but I haven't even told him them because he has never bothered asking (which I find quite irritating). There is no chance for, or..ever. I agree with everything you said. I'm just trying to figure out what "dating" is in everyone's opinions. :)

Daniel. I couldn't have said it better and I think you have a great point with the cake. What is a cake without...cake?! That is one reason I find the fact that he asked me out SO irritating. He hasn't even asked me what I want to do with my life...or anything?! Doesn't that have to come way, way, way first?!

Miguel said...

Oh yes, confusing beyond belief. And yet, not really surprising. This seems to the common trait of our generation--in not just dating, but all relationships; in not just relationships, but all of life. For some reason we tend to just try to speed things up and if something doesn't work, we ditch it--or him or her in this case. But if we're not taking the time to really get to know a person before we get to asking them out, then wouldn't that make just about everything appear to "not work" in our eyes? My dad compares dating to trying on shoes. You don't know anything about the person, but if s/he doesn't fit right, then s/he apparently isn't right at all. The world's such a fickle place >.< And it is very, very confused.

Logan said...

Well in that case, I'm sorry to hear of your unfortunate dilemma lol. And I can relate. I've had a lot of girls want to skip the friendship stage and move directly to romance. And most of my friends are jumping straight to romance without first building solid friendships. This is so backward! Ugh! Friendship first, romance later. That's what I believe, and I believe that's the wisest path to Biblical romance.

Ashley said...

@ Miguel: I know! Isn't it sad? The world is SO confused. And I think dating is based on feelings a lot of times, but good feelings will not last forever and that is what has to "work" for dating relationships. And once that fire and mystery is gone, so is the relationship. So many people are distraught that there is no "real love" anymore, but they just never knew the definition of it in the first place. They have totally destroyed the concept of love - the way it was MEANT to be, the perfect, beautiful covenant.... *growl* I need to turn this little rant into a post.

@Logan: I so agree. FRIENDS FOREVER THEN MORE...

Felipe Gama said...

Dating is going out with someone with romantic purposes, usually it's not someone you know well, sometimes it's not even someone you know at all.

Well, that's the general way things are done nowadays at the very least, actually, compared what happens in clubs and other forms of night life in big cities, dating, even when done with people you barely know, is even seen as "backwards" or "conservative".

I particularly agree with you about how relationships should develop from friendship into a more serious friendship into love etc over the years (months maybe if you study/work with the person and has lots of contact I guess).

Actually, I'm surprised that there are other people in the world who think like that too, but then again, I guess I just live at/visited all the wrong places lol.

Anyway, I suggest you don't just rule out guys who ask you on a date before knowing you well. Most guys will have to adapt to rules of the "game", even if they dislike those rules. So, telling them about how you think "dating" should be will surely let you see what their view is.