Sunday, October 9, 2011

Dating: Wisdom From My Readers That I Had to Make a Post

This post has been generated by inspiring comments. I have some guys that leave really rich comments sometimes. Logan, Miguel and Daniel, thanks for commenting on my stuff and leaving me with great thoughts to chew on. These comments were left on my post, "What Exactly IS Dating?!" I'm going to elaborate on a little bit of what you each of these guys said. They all have great points.

I asked what dating - in the world's terms - is. I also wanted to know if that "dating" totally obliterated the friend stage. These are some of my responses.

Daniel said, "Ashley, yes unfortunately societal dating has pretty much eliminated the friend stage so as soon as you think you might like some one, you date them, and that is why so many people date so many people, and then never speek again, because they were never friends in the first place. Pluss a lot of dating relationships are based on physical interaction, which to a certain extent is ok, but should never be what you base a relationship on. One analogy I herd says that that is the icing on the cake, and relationships now days have no cake and are just icing, and that's why they fall apart. . .the societal norm doesn't have to be the standerd, and dating isn't bad if done right, but it's with a completely different purpose, instead of seeing if you really like the person as much as you think you might, you presue the relationship mutually seeking gods will in your lives individually and as a couple, and the point, although not totally, is to find out if it's God's will for that relationship to move towards mirage. I hope that kinda answers your question."  

I think Daniel has a really valid point. I LOVE the cake analogy. So many relationships are sought merely for the physical, momentary pleasure and this will not and cannot support a relationship. It's doomed to fail. The Bible talks about sex as the sealing of a holy covenant. When people abuse that covenant and fail to hold to Christ's standard, the results are never good. Hearts are broken, and people are left more lonely than before. And wondering why they feel that way. They thought they were going to get a cake, but only got icing because they rushed something that they should have waited for. Physical satisfaction is the manifestation of a healthy relationship it can't be the healthy relationship. (I might write a legit post on this.)  

Logan said, "And most of my friends are jumping straight to romance without first building solid friendships.This is so backward! Ugh! Friendship first, romance later. That's what I believe, and I believe that's the wisest path to Biblical romance."

Amen! Yes, Logan is right. And he is vehement, which is good. A problem with dating is that people are trying to get to know each other on dates, which is a horrible idea. It's the worst place you can get to know someone because of the high levels of temptations coupled with the fact that people are always "their best" on dates. I mean, who doesn't want to impress their date? Dating today has totally bi-passed friendship and it is unwise to enter a relationship with someone whom we have not gotten to know as a friend first. 

Miguel said, "This seems to the common trait of our generation--in not just dating, but all relationships; in not just relationships, but all of life. For some reason we tend to just try to speed things up and if something doesn't work, we ditch it--or him or her in this case. But if we're not taking the time to really get to know a person before we get to asking them out, then wouldn't that make just about everything appear to "not work" in our eyes? My dad compares dating to trying on shoes. You don't know anything about the person, but if s/he doesn't fit right, then s/he apparently isn't right at all. The world's such a fickle place >.< And it is very, very confused."  

Miguel's comment made me sad because it is very, very true. The world is confused. They have simply twisted and mishandled love. For many, it is about "trying on" and "fitting right" - to use Miguel's words. People are basing relationships on romantic feelings, but those wonderful, feel good feelings won't last forever. And once the mystery of those feelings is gone and faded away, the relationship will fade too. That's why there is no real commitment anymore. My heart hurts for the girls who have complained and mourn the loss of "true love". True love exists but I believe it can't be found until we understand the purpose and design God intended for love and commitment. 

The world IS a fickle place, Miguel, and very confused. You said it perfect. 

Be bold and pray. I'm encouraged to be even more outspoken about God's intention for love and relationships. Maybe we can touch some wounded hearts while we are waiting for our Prince or Princess. Trust me, if you do relationships differently, you WILL stand out and people WILL ask you questions. They are going to wonder why you trust that God will write your love story perfectly. What better opportunity can we get to share of the hope with in us? We serve a God who holds the world and our future in his hands.

Finally, thanks to you boys. I LOVE getting rich comments. You guys offer a lot of insight and I'm really excited to see how God will use each of you to change lives. Keep seeking the answers found in Christ - and then, keep sharing them with bloggers, like me. :)    


Victor The Frenzzy said...

Nice posting...
It pretty inspire me about what is the most important thing to do before asking about dating to one girl.

Most people on my country also have some trait like that. They usually skip the phase of friendship and straight through for a date.

Having a boyfriend/girl is like a lifestyle and social status in my country. On my country, if you never have a first date or doesn't have your first boy/girl friend while your age around 17-25, then people most likely think that you are not normal or a geek and won't get married forever.

and just like your first post about "What exactly IS dating?", when building a love relationship, they always skip friendship phase & goes to date phase. They make it seems like somekind of race to have a date or boy/girl friend as much as they could. After that, as soon as they bored with their lover mate, they break up. Without considering about the pain they left on their lover's heart.

people should think twice when building relationship for a date, for it is already written on a bible:
"for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD." Song of Solomon 8:6

Thanx to your post, that encouraging me about things that really matter on building true relationship with someone before I go further.

God bless you,
And pardon me for my bad english.

JoyFaith said...

I so agree on having a solid friendship first. I think I shared that with you before. if you don't have a good friendship then your relationship goes Ka-put! I'm trying to get a good friendship going with...well you know, before anything.
I love you and I'm praying for you!

Meggie said...

Thanks so much for digging into these comments, I needed to hear that so bad, questioning myself if I do like a certain guy or if it is just a friendship has really been troubling me, now I know the answer:
Were friends but the worlds telling me I should like him.

Thanks a whole heap, Ashley and those guys who commented!


Rebekah Brielle said...

Hey girl! I just found your blog, and I followed you!
Please check out my blog, It's a Love Story, and follow back :)

Daniel G said...

Aww thanks Ashley, I'm glad our comments could help :) and your always a great encouragement to me too. I would like to talk soon text me when you have some spare time.

Hope said...

I totally agree with everything said! It really burdens my heart when I hear of people who are genuinely searching for REAL love, but settle for this fluffy, empty stuff that it has become now days. There is no substance to the love that the world knows. The bible says Love is NOT self-seeking, but unfortunately that is the primary interest in having a relationship today. "What can YOU give ME?" instead of "How can we mutually benefit, and grow in Christ through this experience?" I am in a relationship myself, and have struggled at times to remember that I am not in this position to glorify myself, or to get what I can, I am here to glorify Christ, and be an example of what true love looks like, I am here to serve. It really makes me want to cry sometimes thinking of how many people are suffering from this newly defined disease called love. It's no longer joyful, no longer peaceful, no longer a gift. It's something to take and then despise. This being said, I truly appreciate the comments and You Ashley for addressing this issue.

Ashley said...

Thanks guys for your encouraging comments!

Felipe Gama said...

Oh yeah, forgot to say this at the "What is a date?" post, but your belief that people are at their "best" at dates is not exactly right. Although it's true that people do TRY to be on their best on dates, very often they end up screwing badly. Or else they are so careful to not screw things up that they end up forgetting to show that they actually have a personality.

This whole dating system is utter crap, and indeed a terrible way to get to know someone, people will always behave differently, be it for the better or the worse.

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