Wednesday, November 9, 2011

What, Oh What, Should I Do?

No, I didn't fall off the face of the earth, I've just been busy. Really busy.

I'm going to write a ridiculously sappy post. Because I am sad and feel like venting to my readers. Sometimes, you all are the easiest people to talk to. Heh.

I was scheduled to go to Union University for a campus visit and tour this coming Friday. Just now, I emailed them before the deadline to inform them that I wasn't coming (there are several reasons which I won't get into now...perhaps I'll save that for another post). Pathetically, I was bawling while doing so. 

The prospect of yet another year at home faces me. Honestly, the thought makes me sick. The very, very last thing I want to do is stay home. . .again. About a month ago, I wrote about how change is terrifying. Now, I write about how the fact that things may not change is even more nightmare-ish.

Guys, I'm overwhelmed. Mentally overwhelmed. Dilemmas are flying at me faster than I can think and I'm making blind decisions. I've never been one to not think things all the way through, but suddenly I've found myself in a situation where not everything can be thought 100% through before making a decision and. . . its making me quite uncomfortable.

Basically, to enlighten yall, I'm considering staying at VolState for a year. This is not something I want to do. AT ALL! But, the financial situation in my family is not really stable enough to get an averagely smart teen through 6 years of college without a boat load of debt. This is not ideal. Therefore, I may choose to go to VolState.

Sometimes, I tell myself not to worry about the financial and just do whatever I want to do, but really? How many times in life do financial situations "work themselves out?" I want to go to Union. That is where I want to be, but how? That's the question.

I cannot possibly draw a picture for you guys of how much I DON'T want to stay home. I'm already a fifth year senior; I should be in college right now. There are so many dramatic family issues that I'm too ready to rid myself of. I'm stir crazy. I'm going nuts staying here! Maybe it's because I've always had big dreams. I'm the type of gal who likes adventure, unfamiliar settings, and challenges. They don't scare me, in fact, I crave them. I think I purposely do things to put myself in these situations.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not dying to get out so I can be rebellious. That is absolutely not the case. It's just . . . just. . .a change. Is this bad that I feel this way? Is it bad that I want to find new people, new places, and new hobbies?   

Maybe this is a test of my faith. God is seeing if I really trust Him to lead me. I do trust Him, but still . . .I'm the one going through the agony of decisions. Sometimes, it would be really great if He wrote on the wall.

So, these are my basic options.
-VolState. I will probably be scholarshiped. But, same-o, boring VolState. The college that is determined to crush my high hopes and dreams.
- Union. Could flirt with debt and will have to transfer after two years anyhow.  But, will give me just a little...tiny...bit of that wonderful freedom....
- Something else. Who knows? The possibilities are endless.

Please remember me in your prayers. I really am at a loss. I couldn't possibly be more confused and upset than I am now.  



Carleeeeeee ;p said...

Hey! I tried calling you a ton of times. Where have you been?? Call me when you get the chance so we can talk.

Miguel said...

Do Hard Things :)

In all honesty, what do you think God is calling to you? Don't confuse yourself with what you think you want, or what you think might even be "best" for you in your eyes; what does God want from you--what is He calling you to?

We really need to talk one of these days... Anyway, I'll be praying, cuz. Hold tight to Him and He'll lead you through the darkness even when you think you're lost ;)

Victor The Frenzzy said...

well, I think you've got to be patience while wait to achieve your freedom..

maybe God has a big plan for your life, even though it's quite hard to see it for now. Cuz God always works in mysterious way, didn't He??

Just keep pray for His guidance, so you can see how wonderful His plan for your blissful life.

pray,wait, and see His mighty deeds..
cheerio Sis...

God Bless..

Taleisha said...

My family and I have just gone through a REALLY big rough patch. Problem after problem flying in from all directions. In our case it took around 7 months of perseverance. But now things are clearing up a lot.

To give you a quick recap. Last year in October our family decided to move to Cambodia to work in the mission field. We moved in mid April and have been living here ever since. But only a few months before we left, my married sister faced some really big marriage hiccups. So now we are on the other side of the world while she remains in Australia. Her marriage has almost completely collapsed. So she has really been focusing on work and Uni - she studies Public Relations. It has been a dream of hers to move to New York for as long as I can remember, and when she got married those dreams kinda got pushed aside. But now opportunities keep arising and God has given her every desire of her heart.

I know you probably don't want to wait 7 months like she did, but my point is that if you completely surrender the situation to him in prayer, He WILL give you the desires of your heart. Try not to dwell on how things look right now and trust that He knows what He's doing. The best timing is God's timing.

The verse that ALWAYS gets me through is Jeremiah 29:11. It is my favourite verse. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Lift it up to Him :)
God Bless

Meggie said...

Good on you Ashley, will be praying for you. Keep on holding on, I know you will.


Anonymous said...

Oh Ashley! Don't feel bad! I think what you're feeling is normal; I know what it's like to want to get out of the house, for various reasons, and can imagine some of what you must be having to go through. Hang in there, though; as you already know, God is with, and He knows exactly where He wants you to go and what He wants you to do with this big decision and the rest of your life. And keep on praying about this, the effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much!!! Luke 11:9 (and Matthew 7:8) says, "So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you." Keeping asking, keep seeking, and NEVER STOP KNOCKING ON THAT DOOR!!!! god will open it for you; be strong, because He is strong, truly lean on Him, because You can't do this alone, He will provide a way out for you!!!! TRUST IN HIM WITH ALL YOUR HEART, LEAN NOT ON YOUR OWN UNDERSTANDING!!!!

You are in my prayers,


Daniel G said...

Hey Ashley, it's not that bad, if you want to meet more people schedule some classes on campus, leave a block from 12:20-1:20 opened, and come to the baptist colegent ministry. Nomater where you go you have to complete your general studies, and even though it's not fancy or away from home volstate does a good job for that