Tuesday, December 13, 2011


I've never considered anger as one of my character flaws. I mean, normally I do a good time handling my anger. I let things go relatively easy, but tonight. . .

I'm angry.

I have been for a long time. So, maybe anger is a character flaw? *shrug*

Sometimes, this anger wells up in me when I don't expect it. Suddenly, I'm angry and upset at people. I get mad about the same thing. But, I can't find a word for what makes me so upset. Is it injustice? No, prolly not. Selfishness. Dysfunction. Judgment. Abandonment.

All those feel like they fit. I have been let down and I'm angry. Someone put me out majorly when they made some decisions. It's changed everything about my life. Everything. Everything I used to be, has changed. Who I'm with, who I am, how I think, my emotions. They are different and I'm angry about that.

But, maybe I'm the one who is selfish if I'm getting angry about this.

I'm angry because I feel like I have to hold this all in. Everyone expects me to be okay, but I'm not. Not at all. I'm not happy, I'm not okay. I'm functioning, but that's it. I can't hold this in anymore. I feel like I have duct-tape on my mouth. I feel like I'm in bondage....

Yes. I feel like I've been trapped and I am angry about that.

I can't go on like this. Please pray for me.


Becca said...

Baby girl, only Christ can take your anger from you and allow you to process it differently. It's okay that you are hurting and no one is asking you to hold it in. The worse you can do is suppress your feelings because it will cause even MORE anger....as you're experiencing. Just run to Christ for strength and TALK about it with others....trust me, it helps. Write a letter to the one who has hurt you and tell them how they have affected you. That way there are no thoughts and feelings kept from them and it gives them an opportunity for them to do something about it or apologize. Even if they don't apologize, at least you were honest with them. I love you so much. You can talk to me about it any time. *hugs*

Lexi W. said...

Ashley, I'm TOTALLY going through the same thing!!! I've been angry for so long I didn't even really realize it!!! Now my anger has turned into bitterness, and my bitterness has turned into depression. Hang in there girlie!!! People of faith are praying for you!!! Some great verses are: Wait for the Lord's help, be strong and brave and wait for the Lord's help. (Psalm 27:14) We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. (Psalm 33:20). And Psalms 116:8: LORD, you have saved me from death. You have stopped my eyes from crying. You have kept me from being defeated. I love that last part, because I have been feeling SO defeated lately; like I can't live another day, and I've been feeling so lost!!! Hang on to GOD and HIS word and love for you!!!!!!!!! And keep reading your Bible, that REALLY helps me calm down!!!
God showed me this verse for you: But God had special plans for me even before I was born. SO HE called me through his grade that I might tell the Good News about HIS SON to the non-Jewish people. So God showed me about HIS SON. When God called me, I did not get advice or help from any man.