Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Day 7 - My dreams

Dear Dreams,

You are both a curse and a blessing. It is you that has me confused about what God wants me to do with my life. You invade my thoughts and terrorize me. Yet, you motivate me. You confuse me, but give me something to aim for. Sometimes I wish you weren't there, but I know if you weren't that I would live a totally passionless life. And passion is what drives me on from day to day. Passion about what I could do for God and stuff.

Sometimes you have me running in circles, completely unfocused. Yet other times, I know exactly what I'm shooting for because of you and end up doing something productive.

It is very hard to ignore you. I want to pursue you, but I must ask myself what God would want of me. Not myself. I do hope that you are part of God's plans but you never know where He could have me. He sometimes has some really random plans. But it's an adventure. Let's see where it takes us.

Your dreamer,

Day 6 - Stranger

Hi Stranger,
I'm not sure exactly what to say to someone I have never met before. I know you are out there somewhere and if there is one thing I think you should know, it's that I care about you and so does the Lord. Jesus Christ is the one Lord and He is worth pursuing. He definitely changed me a lot. I hope you are doing great, and I wonder if you will continue to be a stranger, or maybe we will come in contact one day? Who knows?

Monday, December 20, 2010

Day 5- Future Spouse

Dear Unknown Future Spouse,

Do I know you? Are you currently in my life or are you some person that I have never even met before? It's funny to think about really. I wonder if you are going to be one of those people who is going to be hard to talk to at first or if you are going to be a really loud talkative guy. I kinda picture myself with a quieter guy but, hey, WHO KNOWS! I am really looking forward to what God has for us. I know that the person He is preparing for me is going to be ultra special! ULTRA! Just know, I already think so highly of you and it's possible that I have never even seen your face. >.>

Maybe this is corny, but I did am exercise (And the Bride Wore White) where I had to make a list of the things I want to see in you. Scared? Should be. Ha ha, just kidding. I know that if I aim at absolutely nothing, I'll hit it. So I want to know exactly what I want and what God's version of a Biblical husband is. So goes for me. I have to aim high. My model is the Proverbs 31 woman. I'll never be like her, but I want to.

I won't lie, there are some times when it is really hard to stay emotionally, physically and spiritually pure. Sometimes I wonder if I'm ever going to make it. I know I can with the Lord and I hope you are trying to remain pure too.

I hope that when we marry that we will be so in love. I hate seeing the frumpy couples that never show affection or anything. They don't seem happy that they are married. I NEVER want that to happen to us. I hope we are always going to be head over heals in love with each other. Don't get me wrong. I know that love isn't always based on gushy feelings. In fact, part of marriage is loving and respecting one another - even when it's hard. I look forward to that believe it or not. I'm looking forward to those times when I'm going to really have to deny myself in order to care for your needs above mine. Hard? Yes. Rewarding? Undoubtedly. I know that through our marriage God will mold us more and more into His image if we keep Him and the other above ourselves. There is no better way to grow closer to one another than through really learning to be like Christ and loving and glorifying Him more whole-heartedly.

Random times you will pop into my head. Not knowing who you are, I just say a prayer for you. Hoping that at that moment you are walking in the light and serving God, denying yourself and empowered by our Father's strength.

I really cannot wait. I hope we are best friends and have a blast together. I think we will.

Your girl,

Friday, December 17, 2010

For what?

What am I doing? I am appalled at my ability to be able to live my life without giving thought to others' pain. I am such a selfish person. I have thought about me and I all the time. I haven't cared to invest in my neighbors or the people at the Dollar General or even my friends like I should.

God, forgive me for being so complacent. Forgive me for thinking that Holy Joe at church should be the one to witness. What am I doing? Why am I wasting my time? If I am not here to love people and care for their needs, serving my God, WHY AM I HERE? To be a facebook addict? To write great books? To sing? To play sports? To get a career? Those things are going to pass away.

God, I've ignored your commandment to witness to others. I've blown it off. I haven't regarded Your Word. I should be punished for my selfish protection of the best news in the world. The news that YOU love ME AND THEM. The news that can save the world. I have it! It's in my possession. God, I'm afraid that I am an unworthy steward of such a possession!

The pain out there. If I listen, I can almost hear them crying. I can almost hear people asking "Why?". I can imagine people questioning me, wondering why the heck I didn't share You with them. Wondering why they are here and wishing they knew the purpose of their lives.

Every person, has experienced some amount of pain. Everyone.Some worse than others. I know that you are the healing to that pain. I am experiencing pain at this moment. You know the whole and You are the healing and the help. Where does my help come from? You God!

And I selfishly hoard the remedy to our pain. I still go through hard times, but I can endure the pain because I know you and that makes all the difference in the world.

God help me to be more outspoken. To love. to tell. To care. To heal. To mend. To listen. To be. To help. To encourage. To inspire.

What can I do?

Your story. A cry for the broken.

I got an idea. I can't tell you guys what it is yet. Sorry, but it is about encouraging people to help others with their pain. I need your help, so I can write this thing. I want you guys to respond to this question in the comments. Please leave something, even if it is small.

Here are some questions that I need you guys to answer and feel FREE to do it ananymously - actually, I encourage you too. It's not about who says what. I need it to give me ideas about what people struggle with from day to day. As weird as this sounds, please give me a story of pain from your life.

1: What has happened in your life that has been painful? (unfaithfulness, betrayal, death...ect.)

2: What things do you find yourself giving in too for comfort? God? Cutting? Friends? Media? ect?

3: What sins do you struggle with?

4: Is there anything that you feel like overcomes you?

5: Share a story of a person or thing that has helped you, encouraged you or changed your life? What was it and why did it help so much?

6: Name some ways that you find yourself helping other people in pain.

7: Is there a Bible verse that you find comforting in painful times? Please share.

8: How do you feel people reacting to you? With love, and accepting? Or with discomfort and awkwardness?

9: Be open about yourself. What do feel like people (namely Christians) feel about you?

10: Have you ever felt like you needed help, but no one was there to help you? Please share.

I KNOW that these are personal questions, but bare with me, you guys. If I could figure out how to do this....

Monday, December 13, 2010

Day 5 - Sibling

Ok, sorry, I know I'm behind really bad. I am trying to post but I just never have the TIME! GRRR!

Dear Becca,
Wow, where do I even begin? You are the greatest sister I could ever ask for. I know we have had our fights and differences but you have always been there for me.I know that you feel like you have to protect me and look out for me. That means so much to me. I hope you never stop that. It makes me feel like I really have some one who cares about exactly how I'm feeling and what I want and my needs. I love how you and I are so random together. We just stare in each others eyes and say something really dumb and then bust out laughing. Sometimes I need those random laughs more than you know. I love wearing your clothes. They are always so much better than mine.

You always encourage me so much sis! You show me things form different angles and help me see. You let me know when I'm lacking in an area so I can get better. I get prideful at times so I really need those reminders.

I'm sorry when I am sometime annoying and don't treat you with the respect I ought to. You are so precious to be with but sometimes I just forget that.Thanks for being so patient with me and loving me anyways.

Thanks for always paying for me. Dude, I for-real owe you so much money. I need to get better at paying you back. Mmmm, all the milk-shakes and fries. A picture of health.

Thanks for being an encouragement in the Lord. I pray for you all the time. I hope that you grow up to be a Proverbs 31 woman. Somehow, I know you will be. Just follow the Lord with all your heart. Like the man who sold everything to buy the one valuable pearl, surrender your  life to Christ.

I love you.


Thursday, December 9, 2010

Day 3 -Meh Parents

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

Whoo, I'll tell ya. We have been through a lot together. Hard times, good times, fun times, boring times, strange times and well....I'll leave it at that. Lol. I know I'm lucky because I can truly call my parents two of my very very good friends. Thank you both so much for teaching me to walk in the Lord and wanting what God wants for me. I owe you guys for never completely squashing all my crazy ideas and dreams. I always have some new,crazy idea and you guys just nod and say, "That's cool", wondering what on earth possessed me to embrace such an endeavor. Ya'll never say, "That's a dumb idea." or "Why the HECK would you want to do THAT?" You guys have been real patient with me and for that I am thankful. You guys have driven me to tim-buck-too to do the things I want to do and have poured gobs of time and money and miles into things like my braces, singing, piano, drama, volunteering, and camp barnabas, soccer, basketball and many more things. Thanks for the late night convos, pushing me to my fullest capacity, and reminding me to always seek the Lord. I love spending time with you two and being goof-balls together. I know it makes you guys sad that I'm growing up and might move away soon, but trust me, I'll always come back to be with you guys! Love you both sooo sooo much!

Yo Daughter,

<---Look left.

Hi. I have a poll. Please vote. I've had around forty hits in the last few days....ermm...and six votes? Lol. I'm going to be posting soon. I'm sorry, I've had really long days the past while. Seriously, Tuesday I was gone for fourteen hours. O.o And ever time I'm home I'm cramming school or something. I'll be back soon. Hopefully tonight. In the meantime, feel free to do a little voting.


Monday, December 6, 2010

Day 2 - My Crush?

I know this crush ain't going away-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay....going away-ay-ay-ay-ay-ay...Lol gotta love David Archuletta.

This is dumb.

My Beloved, Adored, Cherished, Prized, and Dear Crush,
Can you even imagine how much you mean to me? Probably not, you'd have to have one heck of an imagination which I know you do not possess - not like me anyways. I don't even know your name, but every time I get around you I can't even say anything and most of the time I end up dropping my books in front of you and then I get embarrassed because you see my multiple books on Cereology (study of crop circles) and give me strange looks, but you know what? I know what those looks mean. They say to me, "You know? I think you are weird and the fact that you study Cereology is weird and you have warts on your nose, but I love you. I love you anyways." And then my heart is glad because I know. The other day when you were walking by you bumped into me and I KNOW you did it on purpose. You can't hide from me! i know you too well.....blah blah blah...

Haha! Luckily, I don't have a crush. I'm not making fun of the people who do, I just think %80 of crushes are weird because most times they are based on the stuff that doesn't matter instead of how much you know a guy. Comprendas?

At this stage in my life, the LAST thing that needs to happen to me is a serious crush. I don't need that at all. I find them very distracting. Last time I had a crush it really kept my mind off of what needed to be done and somewhere in la-la land thinking about that crush (who I hardly ever talked to....so dumb), which ended up dying down and then becoming none existent. Therefore, completely WASTING MY TIME! I know we are all humans and stuff so it is natural to be distracted by crushes (of the opposite sex, btw) but when you are young...13-18 and the Lord isn't opening any doors for you, then don't go looking for some guy/girl to have a crush on and having these silly "high-school-relationships". They are pointless and really take the focus off the joy of serving Christ and SINGLENESS! Yay!

Okay, I'm rambling really bad. (Sorry LoVizzle I'm not using my new motto, "Think and gather...then write.") I'm not condemning crushes. I'm just saying that they can be detrimental to one's spiritual growth and accomplishments. So if you have this nasty, pointless crush that just won't go away then I would encourage you to give it to God. I've had to do that so many times, because I don't want to be distracted when the time is not right for me to be moving toward a marriage or anything. I've found when I give things to the Lord and say, "God, I'm serious this time I really don't want this!" that He really does help me. Until God gives you super-natural ability to juggle both a guy and serving Him, which I believe is around marrying age, then just stick with serving the Lord because it is near impossible to do both (in my experience anyways). One will get the better treatment and because of our fallen nature, most times it's the crush. God is so cool, when I finally give those crushes over to Him, He relieves me and I have such a better time serving Christ, others, I'm more focused and have more purpose. Guys are cute but God's better. ;)

Sorry, I didn't mean to talk that long and I hope I didn't sound like I was bossing everyone around. It's just a warning, because I know I have wasted tons of energy trying to look right, act right and be cute or what-not around so and so and I regret it.   

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Day 1 -Your Best Friend

Okay I will write a letter to my best friend. An maaybe a few other of my really good friends.

Carlee (a.k.a carwee, carwiki, carkiwi, carlos, carcahwee/lee, carkeys, cark, cars, butt, sis),

I never thought that I could be such good friends with someone so different from me. We're white and black, left and right, day and night. Ya know? You are way more high-strung and not reserved. Me, on the other hand, am more laid back and can be reserved around certain people. I love it. I think we balance each other pretty good, don't you?

I'm so happy to call you my best friend. There is no one I would rather spend my time with. I can be me around you. I feel like I never have to hold anything back with you. Its just me. I'm so glad that we can have little arguments but then work it out. I think it has really made us better friends. If you and I hadn't had our arguments I don't think I would know as much about you.

One thing I love about you is your sensitive personality. I love how you seem to feel other people and get chill bumps over a sad song. I love you have a heart to see people come to know Christ, the way you get fired up about politics and would be the first person to club someone if they said something mean about me. Lol.
I love laughing with you! I'm just saying! I can't be around you without running to the bathroom. Your sense of humor kills me. And you never get mad at me. Dude, for real! I have done some awful stuff before and I'm amazed at how you let things roll of your back like you do.

I really believe that I have grown so much with you as my best friend. I imagine us as old old ladies watching our kids play in the back yard. I hope with all my heart that you and I aren't going to stop being friends. You are the most amazing friend I could ever have and I wouldn't trade you for anybody.

*gives flying tackle hug while squealing*

Your Bestie,

Wow, that was really fun...I think I am going to write a letter also to two other people that I'm pretty close to.

Girl, I haven't known you very long, but I just want you to know how happy I am that you and I met. Seriously, it hasn't been a year and your emails have been such an encouragement to me. You are a Godly young lady and I love spending time with you. You live sooooo far away. I hate it. I hope we continue to be friends and grow in the Lord together.  You are so mature in your walk with the Lord for your age. Can't wait for Youth Conference!
Love you, Hopie

A song reminds me of you and me. "I've hear it said that people come int our lives. For a reason. Bringing something we must learn and we are lead to those who help us most to grow if we let them and help them in return." Lol. I don't know if it goes the same for you, but I'm always sooo inspired by the way you jump and tackle things. You want to sing and do theater so you pour your life into becoming that. That is so cool. I need more focused like that. And being with you has inspired me to be better. I know I'm the singer I am because I wanted to be like you. :) Thanks for being someone to laugh with, sing with, and talk about theater "drama" with. Lol. I love you bunches!

I shall be doing this...

Okay, so a few of my friends are doing this thing on their blogs. And because I'm unoriginal I'm going to copy them. Well, I okayed it with the girl who started it (Kirstin). So I am going to be writing a letter on my blog every day for thirty days to various peoples.

The line-up will be as follows. So keep checking back because you may end up having mail! Lol.

Day 1- Your Best Friend
Day 2- Your crush
Day 3- Your parents
Day 4- Your sibling (or closest relative)
Day 5- Your Future Spouse
Day 6- A stranger
Day 7- Your dreams
Day 8- Your favorite internet friend
Day 9- Someone you wish you could meet
Day 10- Someone you don't talk to as much as you'd like to
Day 11- A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Day 12- The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Day 13- Someone you wish could forgive you
Day 14- Someone you've drifted away from
Day 15- The person you miss most
Day 16- Someone that's not in your state/country
Day 17- Someone from your childhood
Day 18- The person that you wish you could be
Day 19- Someone that pesters your mind-good or bad
Day 20- The one that broke your heart hardest
Day 21- Someone you judged by their first impression
Day 22- Someone you want to give a second chance to
Day 23- The person you last kissed
Day 24- The person that gave you your favorite memory
Day 25- The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Day 26- The last person you made a pinky promise to
Day 27- The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Day 28- Someone that changed your life
Day 29- The person that you want to tell everything to, but too afraid to
Day 30- Your reflection in the mirror

Friday, December 3, 2010

Howdy! I can't believe I'm blogging!

*ducks because of flying rocks*

I know! I know! I'm sorry! I should be a more faithful blogger. BUT HEY! Guess what? I finished NaNoWriMo. I didn't think I would be able to squeeze 50,000 words in one month, but I did! And it wasn't that bad. I actually finished with 50,900. Snap!

But seriously, now that I am trough I want and plan to blog more. This morning I was just wanting to share some really great scripture that I read this morning. Believe it or not...it's from Deuteronomy. I was reminded this morning that God does listen to our prayers because I have been doing this "reading through the Bible plan" and it skips all around like crazy. I was reading 2 Kings, then Jeremiah, then Joel and I just entered Deuteronomy yesterday. Well, I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I feel so discouraged reading through the Old Testament. I especially go through these times where God seems far away and idle in my life (of course, I know He's not! IT'S ME!!). So of course during those times it is that I'm reading this pretty hefty, hard-to-keep-a-two-minute-attention-span-with Old Testament books. So anyways, this morning I just prayed. "God please teach me this morning. Give me some really great verses to chew on today!"

HE DID! yea!

I hope I haven't been missing them all along (which I probably have). But I feel like God led me to the perfect chapters today. They were rich! If you haven't read Deuteronomy 4, 5, and 6. I would recommend it!

Okay, I will only talk about a few of the verses because that's all I really have time for. Chapter 4 was dealing with the subject of idols. We all know that the Israelites were prone to keep returning to idols. I always wonder why, but then, I guess I do it too. (One thing I HAVE learned reading all the OT books is the patience of God! Whooo, I'm telling ya. The nation of Israel was very naughty but God kept sparing them and bringing them back to Himself. If you are a Christian...this should sound oddly familiar.) And I know this is probably a verse that's been beat over your heads. It has mine, but I LOVE about scripture how one verse that you've heard a million times can suddenly hit you home for the millionth time.

4:24 "For the Lord your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God."  

When I think about that I become really grateful. The God of the universe is jealous. Not of everyone - that's too general. But zoom in a little. *looks through scope* WHOA! There's you and me down there. He's jealous of You and ME! When I stray form God and turn to idols (my mirror, the computer, TV, football, school, monstrous ACT tests, lies, my story world...ect) He is jealous of me. And desires me to toss those things aside and be with Him.

This makes me think about Devos differently. I'll be the first to admit that I approach daily devotions kinda legalistic at times. Thinking, "Well, if I don't do this I'm gonna have a bad day today." or "God's gonna be mad if I don't." or "I wanna be a good Christian."

NO! I need to approach it with this attitude. "God wants to be with me. GOD wants to be with ME. Whoa! that makes me sooo happy that I can't wait to be in His Word and pray this morning." Although, even if we aren't excited like that, it is still good to do it anyways...good practice. God says, "Read the Bible and pray." So do it. Even if it doesn't taste like chocolate at the moment.

And here is another scripture from the same chapter. Vv. 29-31 "29 But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you seek Him with all your heart and with all your soul. 30 When you are in distress, and all these things come upon you in the latter days, when you turn to the LORD your God and obey His voice 31 (for the LORD your God is a merciful God), He will not forsake you nor destroy you, nor forget the covenant of your fathers which He swore to them.

WOW! That is a beautiful promise. If we seek God with all our hearts and souls we WILL find Him. That's a promise. If we are truly seeking Him He isn't going to hide Himself (not saying that it's always a piece of cake to feel His presence - it's not. That's part of the learning and growing experience.).

When you are in distress...when you turn to the Lord and obey His voice...He will not forsake.

Thank you, God.

Now, it is for us to dive whole-heartedly into the Word to find out what seeking and obeying God with all our heart and soul should look like, then DO IT! And stop talking about it. I feel like Christians (me especially) constantly talk about things. "We ought to do this." and "Go thou and do this." and "Be like this." and "Don't do this." BUT WE NEVER DO ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pulls hair* Why are you like that? Why am I like that? *head bang*

Okay. Conclusion. Read Bible. Seek God with everything. Then do what Bible says. Be changed.

We finally got that. Moving on!

Okay Deuteronomy 5 is about the 10 Commandments. That's good reading there. Just refreshing. Hey, you know what? I found that I kinda forgot all the 10 Commandments. I did. Wellll, I KNOW them, but from five on I can't say them in order. *talks to self* Ash, dear, those are fundamentals. Learn them.

Deuteronomy 5:32-33 "32 “Therefore you shall be careful to do as the LORD your God has commanded you; you shall not turn aside to the right hand or to the left. 33 You shall walk in all the ways which the LORD your God has commanded you, that you may live and that it may be well with you, and that you may prolong your days in the land which you shall possess.

 Just another fantastic promise. Ponder it! More about STOP TALKING and FOLLOW!

As for chapter 6. Maybe this is dumb, but I was rather surprised to see that the greatest commandment in the old testament was to love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, mind, soul and strength. I mean, there isn't anything wrong with it of course. But for some reason it struck me as odd. I've read Deuteronomy a couple times (due to failed attempts to read through the Bible) and it never clicked with me before.

Read verses 4-8. "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! 5 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.
6 “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. 8 You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. 9 You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
 I really like what God tells them to do with these commandments. In a nut shell He says, "Live and breath them." He even says to write them on your doors and gates. Hmmm. Maybe we should try it!! I like the idea.
An just a question what is a frontlet? It's giving me some great mental pictures. Lol. Hey, I don't think it's absurd though. God is saying that it should be on the front of our minds ALL THE TIME. We should constantly be thinking about God, His love, and how we can serve Him better.

That's enough of my thoughts for the day. Hope I didn't confuse the heck out of ya!